{"id":14831,"date":"2014-07-18T07:00:41","date_gmt":"2014-07-18T11:00:41","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.baileybegood.com\/home\/?p=14831"},"modified":"2015-01-12T13:48:50","modified_gmt":"2015-01-12T17:48:50","slug":"slowly-but-surely","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.baileybegood.com\/home\/2014\/07\/18\/slowly-but-surely\/","title":{"rendered":"Slowly but Surely"},"content":{"rendered":"

It’s good to be back, friends. <3\n
\n

\"Slowly
\nMiss this pretty face? \ud83d\ude09<\/em>
\n<\/center><\/p>\n

I know… it’s been almost 5 months since I’ve been gone. I’m sorry for that. My mommy needed me and I needed to devote all my time to helping her. <\/p>\n

From mommy<\/strong>: Please forgive me for taking Bailey & Nala away from all of you. Bailey has shown true courage these past few months. She can read facial expressions and understands when one of us is going through a rough time. She’s been by my side through what is probably the most difficult time in my life. My mom was not only the best mom in the world… she was my best friend, confidant, supporter, and just an amazing woman. In all the struggles in my life she has been there to get me through each and every one. But she couldn’t be there for this one. <\/p>\n

Everything took a turn for the worse so suddenly… or maybe not so suddenly. In April, 2013, I was told that my mom had stage 4 metastatic melanoma. Besides being tired a lot and having some side effects from the medicines, she was not feeling too bad until January & February of this year. I usually went to see her every week (we lived 40 minutes away from each other). But the last time I saw her was at least 3 weeks prior to her leaving. Either she wasn’t feeling well, or the timing just wasn’t right. The weekend prior my mom was in a lot of pain. Her at-home nurse wanted her to go to the hospital, but my mom refused. When my aunt saw her that Monday, she knew she needed to go. We had no idea then that she would not be coming home. All of us held onto hope until the last couple of days.<\/p>\n

By Tuesday morning, they knew she wouldn’t have long. Her one good kidney was not responding. She was getting worse. Taylor and I saw her that Tuesday and spent a few hours at the hospital. One of the brief times she opened her eyes, she noticed I was there beside her. She smiled and took my hand, then brought it to her lips and kissed it. My mom did not want to feel any pain. She also wanted to be sure that I would be alright. My aunt (my mom’s younger sister), who has always been like an older sister to me, made that promise to her again… one of the last times she would. <\/p>\n

That next morning on Wednesday, my aunt made the decision to have my mom moved to hospice, so she would be able to receive the medicine she needed in order to be comfortable. When the evening came and her at-home nurse went home, I just couldn’t bring myself to leave. My niece, who’s a nurse anesthetist, came back that night to spend the night with me in the hospital. I am so glad we stayed. We made sure she was comfortable at every moment, with no pain, and prayed for her to go quickly. She needed to make sure I was going to be alright, so I told her a couple of times throughout the night that everything was fine and she didn’t have to worry — that she could go now and see her son (my brother passed away suddenly 5 years ago in February, 2009), brother, mother, father, and many friends. I didn’t think I could do that, but I couldn’t bear to see her hold on any longer. My niece did the same, and then my aunt arrived in the early morning hours and also talked to her. She wasn’t able to talk to us or acknowledge us, but we knew that only after she felt comfortable that we would be alright, would she allow herself to pass on. She quietly slipped away within 5 minutes of us all talking to her again…on February 28, 2014.<\/p>\n

I believe that my mom was needed elsewhere. I know she is happy being surrounded by so many people that she loves and who love her. I was always afraid of being there at the end of life… But it was strangely peaceful and not as scary as I thought it would be. I am so very glad I decided to stay the entire time, and that she did not linger for days. My mom was a long-term cancer survivor — she had non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma at age 13 (and subsequent radiation that probably had an impact on cancers throughout her life), two bouts of breast cancer, kidney issues, heart surgery, melanoma & surgery to remove lymph nodes in her neck (I found out after her passing, about 9 years ago when she was first diagnosed with melanoma, that it had already metastasized back then… which was why she had surgery to remove her lymph nodes. She had thought and hoped they had gotten it all. A couple of years ago, a spot was found on her hip while diagnosing another issue — she did not tell me. This woman lived almost 10 years on borrowed time, and kept most of her worries out of our conversation. She did not like to talk about death a lot because she knew it would upset me. I did not talk to her about it much either, because I knew it would upset her<\/em>. I now wish we would have talked even more about it… but things always happen for a reason. She lasted 10 months with Stage 4 metastatic melanoma, and then her one good kidney failed. She was ready. She had a wonderful life full of friends, had a lot of fun, and accomplished a lot of things. In the end, she did not want to remain without quality of life. We made sure her last days were as pain-free as possible. I am grateful for being the lucky one to have called her mother all these years. I am grateful that Taylor was able to grow up with a loving grandma nearby, and I’m glad my mom got to see Taylor through her 18th birthday. I’m sad that she missed her high school graduation… by 3 months.<\/p>\n

This experience has made me question a lot of my beliefs, of which I still struggle. I always knew the day she would leave would be hard, but I honestly did not know just how difficult it would be. There is just no way to describe losing someone so treasured. I am still struggling. It’s a strong word to use, but I really hate this new normal<\/em>. Some days are better than others, but I try to distract myself and smile to hide all the hurt that’s inside. My mom left me a long letter and a tape recording, which I listen to each night. I write to her in a journal. It’s been 4&#189 months since she’s been gone. I miss her terribly… every single minute of every single day. I’m thankful we talked many times each day, and said “I love you” so often. <\/p>\n

Mom, you were the BEST mommy a daughter could ever ask for. You were the definition of perfection. I will ALWAYS hold you in my heart, and will always treasure the time we had, knowing how much you loved me. You will definitely be missed, but NEVER, EVER forgotten. <\/p>\n

I miss you so very much, mom. I love you more. <3 \n\n~JM<\/I>
\n


\n\"Slowly
\nMommy added a heart and a butterfly to
\nthe back window of my hu-grandma’s car. \ud83d\ude42<\/em><\/p>\n

\"Slowly
\nI’ve sort of been on high alert the past
\nfew months. My ears have gotten very sensitive!<\/em>
\n<\/center><\/p>\n

Something New…<\/b><\/p>\n


\n\"Slowly
\nThis was my old bed. It was comfy, but I usually
\nended up hanging off the end of it. I didn’t mind…
\nI like to hang off the edge of stuff anyway. \ud83d\ude09<\/em><\/p>\n

\"Slowly
\nBut a few months ago I came in from the backyard,
\nand there was a NEW BED in my spot! I quickly got in.
\nIt was so comfy I drifted off for a moment.<\/em><\/p>\n

\"Slowly
\nThis new bed has edges so I won’t fall out!
\nWell, I could probably fall out if I wanted to. \ud83d\ude09
\nI could even hang my leg over the side!<\/em><\/p>\n

\"Slowly
\nIt’s so big that my whole body fits inside!<\/em><\/p>\n

\"Slowly
\nFits me perfectly, I think. \ud83d\ude42<\/em><\/p>\n

\"Slowly
\nLots of times I duck down and hide.
\nSee? Where’s Bailey? No clue! \ud83d\ude09<\/em>
\n<\/center><\/p>\n

Nala Update…<\/b><\/p>\n

The last time I posted about Nala, she wasn’t doing too well. My hu-family didn’t know how long she’d have. But she made it through and is still walking all over me! Ah haha. <\/p>\n


\n\"Slowly
\nShe still stands a little crooked sometimes.
\nThat’s thanks to vestibular syndrome<\/a>. <\/em><\/p>\n

\"Slowly
\nAnd she got a haircut recently! Nala hasn’t let
\nanyone brush her for the longest time, so her fur
\ngot really matted. Sooo, mommy thought it was best to
\nhave her shaved a bit. She also got a half hour massage!<\/em><\/p>\n

\"Slowly
\nWe’re still close as ever. Even closer since
\nNala trips over me at least once a day!
\nLike I’m not big enough to see. Teehee! \ud83d\ude09<\/em><\/p>\n

\"Slowly
\nAh, I love her anyway. <3<\/em><\/p>\n

\"Slowly
\nWell friends, that’s about it for now.
\nI’ll be back soon. Tell the truth… did ya miss me?
\nI missed you! <3<\/em>
\n<\/center><\/p>\n

Another issue of Dogs in Cars<\/strong><\/a> will be posting soon! Send in your photos! \ud83d\ude42
\n<\/p>\n

Are you following the new link for my RSS Feed?<\/strong><\/p>\n

I heard from many of you that my feed has not been showing up in your readers for quite some time. I am so sorry! Feedburner said my RSS Feed<\/a> got too big, and it stopped sending it out. :\/ So I deleted it and it’s now located here<\/a>. The problem I have, is that everyone who had previously subscribed, is no longer subscribed. \ud83d\ude41 I have your emails, and plan on sending out one general message asking everyone to change the URL of the feed so you could continue receiving it in your reader (nope, haven’t done this yet). You can always visit my page and click on the RSS link in the sidebar. I hope this will solve the problem, so you can be notified of new posts. Please do let me know if this solves the problem! \ud83d\ude42<\/p>\n


\nPet Portraits…<\/strong> Have you ever thought of getting a portrait done of your treasured furry & feathered babies? Why not have my mommy create one for you! You can see drawings, pricing, and other information on this<\/a> page. \ud83d\ude42<\/p>\n

Dogs in Cars!<\/strong> Send in your Dogs in Cars<\/a><\/em> photos! If you haven’t yet joined this series, or if you have new pics you’d like to share, send them in! If you already have my email, send away! If you need my email, contact me<\/a> first!! <\/p>\n

Dogs in Shadows…<\/strong> Send in your Dogs in Shadows<\/a><\/em> photos! If you haven’t yet joined this series, or if you have new pics you’d like to share, send them in! If you already have my email, send away! If you need my email, contact me<\/a> first!! <\/p>\n

Happy woofs & hugs, friends! <3\n\n~Bailey (Yep, I'm a girl)\nP.S… If you’re a human who blogs about your furry, or a furry who blogs about your human… or even a furry who blogs about your life… Please subscribe and follow me via RSS Feed<\/a>. You can also join me on Facebook<\/a>, Twitter<\/a>, and Google+<\/a>. Please let me know you’ve visited — I love reading other blogs and making new friends. <3<\/em><\/p>\n

<\/font>*Extra Woofies*<\/font><\/strong><\/font>
\nWord verification has been turned off! Comment away! Spammers take a hike! All comments are moderated<\/strong>, so they won’t show up right away. \ud83d\ude09<\/p>\n

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